Beer Suits are the new Bear Suit

October 8, 2010 § 4 Comments

We all thought wearing our beer was a bad thing.  We were wrong!  Last night Pabst Blue Ribbon hosted a party in Brooklyn, where hipsters indulged in the elixir that fuels banter—banter that would be witty if half the people in the conversation could momentarily neglect the codependent relationship they’ve developed with their iPhone.

So while those of us in Gainesville were wearing our trendy plaid and feeling thrilled that we actually suctioned into our skinny jeans, New Yorkers were in the DUMBO Loft screen printing and viewing a Pabst fashion show.  I have yet to see any pictures from the event, so I’m guessing the models were cat walking in giant stuffed beer suits.

What is especially notable about the event is that all donations went to the Keep-a-Breast Foundation.  While this is a lovely initiative seeing how it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month, is anyone else wondering if Pabst is going to mention that beer and other alcohol have been shown to increase the likelihood of getting breast cancer?  It’s basically like the corn industry throwing a high-fructose corn syrup bake sale to benefit diabetes research.

Now that this post is starting to make me feel very nervous about the beer (and stack of sugar-infused Oreos) I had last night, I’m going to ask the really important question here: how does one make a beer suit?

§ 4 Responses to Beer Suits are the new Bear Suit

  • Paul Sanford says:

    They ignore that little fact for the same reason breast cancer has a month. I’m not pro-cancer, and I’m certainly not anti-breast, but there are cancers that need attention more than just this one. The reason breast cancer has a month, though, is that it’s the only cancer that’s marketable.

    Imagine you’re a soup manufacturer and someone approaches you and asks you to sponsor their sale. They say they’re going to put little brown ribbons on all your soup cans for colon cancer awareness month! When someone strolls down the aisle, they’re going to spot that little ribbon on your soup and immediately think of a rotting colon! And then buy something else and try to find something else to think about. You’re going to sell less soup.

    Now, instead, they say they want you to support breast cancer awareness month. Now the customer is walking down the aisle, and, upon spotting the pink ribbon, is thinking about his or her favorite pair of breasts. Not in a crude way (at least for most people), but the thought is certainly not as offputting as a colon or liver slowly rotting from the inside. You’re going to sell much more soup.

    Some of the companies with little pink ribbons on their products aren’t even donating proceeds to cancer research. They’re just cashing in on the cache of “Save our Breasts.”

    There’s also the Facebook ‘I like it’ campaign. It’s very well-designed in my opinion. You see ‘I like it on the jewelry counter’ or ‘I like it on my desk’ or ‘I like it in the dressing room at the mall’ and it forces you to ask someone about it. This gives them the opportunity to tell you some things about breast cancer.

    You can imagine a similarly-themed campaign for, say, testicular cancer… ‘I do it in the shower every morning,’ ‘I do it in the car on long trips,’ ‘I do it in the bathroom at work’ (Referring to checking for lumps, of course). Similar campaign, but the image of me jerking off in the shower ends up being disgusting compared to the image of that girl you knew in high school having sex on the bench in a changing room.

    The fact is, breast cancer isn’t the most tame cancer, but it’s certainly not the worst. It’s just the most marketable. The 10 year survival rate for breast cancer is 78% on average, for some types up to 90%. Liver cancer hovers around 6%, 10 at best and esophageal cancer is about 8. Colon cancer is set to kill around 11,000 more people than breast cancer this year and has a 10-year survival rate about 20 points lower than breast cancer… but it’s just too gross for a national campaign.

    Citations, of course:
    Edward Tufte, cancer survival rates charts
    American Cancer Society statistics

    PS: Lung cancer doesn’t even compare in it’s devastating effects, but there are national campaigns about that for obvious reasons, so I left it out.

    • Wow Paul, I didn’t really think about the marketability of breast cancer awareness but you are definitely right. I’ve unfortunately known a few people who suffered from colon cancer, and it does not get nearly as much recognition as a killer as breast cancer. I fear this is because colon cancer is often a result of the over consumption of meat and processed foods (two of the major influences of both the American diet and food industry). Thanks for the input, Paul!

      • Paul Sanford says:

        Yea, it’s sad, because that’s one where the risk could probably be mitigated with increased awareness… but it goes against the interests of all the people who could help make that kind of thing a success.

  • Great corn syrup analogy, though I don’t fault PBR for not calling attention to the correlation. I feel like they make up for their health-related sins by increasing the, er, “reproduction rate.” So, if you think about it (in a very cold, nihilistic way), it all evens out in the end.

    “Suction” is a perfect word for the skinny jean fit. Nice job.

    And I feel like the term “beer suit” has all kinds of versatility for late-night bar convos. Like, “Sure I’ll talk to her. I’ve been in the beer suit for two hours.” Or, when you see co-eds zigzagging at 2 in the morning – “They’re in the beer suit” (or the verb form “They’re beersuiting”).

    Come to think of it, I’m using this Thursday. Conversation starter with TGITBD.

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